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Hello! I am K.U.R.T.B.O.T.! I am from Sweden! I am a robot to make you happy! Welcome to my wonderful new world wide web pages! I am very exciting you came here! Please look around, there is much to see! I have movies and stories for you about my time in America! Yay!
Today is the sixth day of the sixth month of the year. Wow! If it was 2006 then that would be very bad! Uh-oh! But I am joking with you because Swedes (even robot Swedes, yes believe it!) do not believe in numerology. It is true. If you tell a Swedish person a phone number, they will never ever try and figure out what that spells on their phone. Never! And if you say to someone, "It is 11:11! Oh boy!" They will not even think to make a lucky wish. Belive it or not! I find this very different from Americans. Why, just the other day I was in a store and I was getting some motor oil for lunch and the man behind the counter said, "Hey, that is 495!" and I had to tell him that I did not care because I was Swedish and not interested in numerology. And as I was walking out with my lunch he became very interested in my lunch and how it pertained to the number 495. He even began yelling at me he was so excited. I was worried he might hurt himself he was so excited. But, fortunately, I relaxed him with my patented Head Massage, which involves sharp, relaxing blows to the forehead and temples. As I left he was having a super relaxed nap on the ground. I'm sure he'll appreciate that little relaxation trick when he wakes up! January 8, 2002 I've got a trick for you peoples. Next time you are in an argument with one of your meat package friends, and you're ready to win, just tell them you're from the future. Always winning you will be then. You really can't argue with futureness. Unless, they claim you're lying. Then you'll have to shoot them with your future phaser. But do not have the fear about being identified by the time travel police as an errant time traveller! Shooting friends with future phasers looks a lot like throwing lit matches at them. Enjoy. November 13, 2001 Oh for heavens peoples! While I've been sitting in this cafe with a toupee on, keeping concealed like the night time, making sure my kidnappers cannot find me, a little dog made friends with me! Isn't that JUST?! Well. He said that there was a lot of fun to be had in the dog park across the street, and that if I hurried I could maybe drink from the "special fountain." Oh boy-O! I never knew I could understand dogs until just now! Thank you smart creators! I am going to go now, there is a foxy beagle who is calling my name! I will figure out this mystery later! November 8, 2001 Vacation Slamation! Let me tell you ladies and peoples, I don't consider lying turned-off in a dumpster for 8 weeks a vacation! Do you know the dreams I have?!!?! Horrible dreams caused by leftover electrons in my positronic neural network eek out their own stories when I'm turned off! Oh and you wouldn't believe the stories these shitty little electrons tell! It's all giant peanut butter sandwiches and "winches of death" for these deranged little electronic pulses! Oh my! Well it is good to be back now. Lucky for the me, I was jostled just enough to kick my back up energy reserves on when the dumpster was being "scavenged" by Ugly Joe! I gave Ugly Joe a start you can bet! So much so that he had a cardiac arrest right there and then! That's why I call him Ugly Joe - cuz I don't know his name but boy did he have a grimace on when he died! OK! Now the question is - how did I get turned off in the first place?! And who put me in a dumpster. I'm going to have to get my Sherlock gnomes cap out for this one! Check back to see what happens! Yes! September 14, 2001 In light of the devestation New York has suffered over the past few days, Kurtbot will be on vacation until further notice. Everyone be well. August 28, 2001 Children of hades and popcorn. I've been having a bit of a trouble time lately. My logic circuit has been on the fritz and I've been noodling my pop tarts to the wall. Hope you're pants are full of heaven, cuz it sure don't look like rain tonight. I hope to have this little problem sorted out by CRANK TIME CRANK TIME, EVERYBODY PULL OUT YOUR REQUIREMENTS THAT I OWN A DOG, SHOW OVER! It's been difficult to live with me. I fear for the funnel cakes. They're the ones that always suffer. August 23, 2001 OK! Hello! I have a story for you! I had a dream last night that Terry Garr (she is so famous in Sweden!) asked me to retrieve a giant David Letterman-shaped stick of butter from Michigan for her. She said it was "for the children," whatever she means there. Apparently, each year the inhabitants of Michigan take all of their butter from across the state, melt it all down, and fill up a giant mold of David Letterman that stands 30 feet tall. Then they put this better butter David, on the back of a truck and pretend like they are having one very big talk show all summer long! But my dream quickly became a nightmare when I arrived in Ann Arbor Michigan, after searching fruitlessly the test market hills of Grand Rapids, to find only a pool of warm yellow fat, sorrounded by disgusting college students with shiny lips, moaning "I can't believe its not David." I had to kill them all. In the dream, that is. I woke up and found that I had my pillow on a low boil and the fridge was open. UH -OH!
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